Can a foot or shoe fetish change or fluctuate over the course of a lifetime?

01 · Sexuality

Introduction

Yes, it can, and it has done so for me several times. The fetish itself has remained, but its expression has shifted again and again over the decades. New influences have been added, while older ones have lost importance. Its intensity can also fluctuate, depending on the phase of life. The best way for me to tell this is through four stages from my own life.

02 · Sexuality

Stage one: inexpensive high heels

In my early twenties, I was attracted to high heels of the kind that could then be bought for little money in any shoe store. Brands did not matter. At 23, I began photographing my then wife in high-heeled shoes, and shoes were simply a natural part of our sexuality. At that time, my fetish was clearly defined: high heels.

03 · Sexuality

Stage two: the world of fashion photography

Then photography became my profession. For more than twenty years, I worked as a professional photographer, including in fashion and advertising photography. Suddenly I was dealing with shoes by Gucci, Prada or Casadei, shoes of the kind one knew from VOGUE or ELLE. The cheap high heels gradually lost their appeal. At some point, only high-quality, expensive shoes aroused me. Today I am a big fan of Christian Louboutin, Jimmy Choo or Giuseppe Zanotti. The environment therefore plays a major role: what one sees and experiences every day shapes what arouses one.

From this period comes an insight that I still share today: a fetish does not disappear, but with what one lives and sees, new influences are continually added and displace what already exists.

04 · Sexuality

Stage three: a surprising moment on set

For a long time, my internal pattern was clear: high heels, no flat boots. During a video shoot, a young woman came across as so convincingly dominant that I was suddenly strongly aroused by the desire to kiss her riding boots, even though objectively they did not fit my fetish at all. In that moment, it was not the shoe that produced the arousal, but the person wearing it and her attitude. This showed me how flexible an apparently fixed pattern can be.

05 · Sexuality

Stage four: a change of role in my early fifties

The greatest change came late. For decades, I had lived my fetish from a rather submissive role. During a difficult phase in our relationship, an experienced psychologist advised me to try out my dominant side, which I had long suppressed. I was sceptical, but I did it anyway. It aroused me, my wife liked it, and shortly afterwards I discovered cowboy boots for myself, this time on my own feet.

The fetish remained. Its direction changed. For me, that was not a loss, but an expansion.

06 · Sexuality

What remains and what changes

In my book, I describe sexuality using the image of the Libidose, a kind of can in which everything that arouses us collects. Some contents remain stable for years; others lose importance or disappear entirely on their own. Fantasies and people that occupied me in my youth no longer play any role at all today. I did not consciously replace them. They simply faded.

A fetish cannot be consciously erased. As adults, however, we can influence which contents gain weight through repetition and acting them out. Research also considers learning processes in the formation of sexual preferences plausible, even though they can hardly be directly demonstrated in humans. However, there are still no longitudinal studies that follow people with a foot or shoe fetish over many years. What we know about changes comes above all from personal experiences such as mine.

07 · Sexuality

Why intensity can fluctuate

Besides its direction, its strength can also change. Stress, illness, age, a new relationship or a crisis can cause sexuality overall to take up more or less space, and the fetish with it. Anyone who defines themselves exclusively through their fetish quickly experiences such phases as a loss. Anyone who sees it as part of a larger whole can deal with it more calmly.

So if you notice that your fetish is changing, that is no cause for concern. It is rather a sign that your sexuality is alive. Fetishes are not rigid. They develop along with life. This can be unsettling, but it can also be a great opportunity to rediscover your own sexuality again and again.