How do I distinguish a shoe fetish, a strong preference for shoes, and an interest in fashion or collecting?

01 · Sexuality

Introduction

**The decisive difference lies in arousal.** Someone who loves shoes, collects them, or wears them enthusiastically does not therefore have a shoe fetish. One speaks of a fetish only when shoes play a special role in sexual arousal. The boundaries can be fluid, and some things overlap. A few questions can help sort things out.

02 · Sexuality

One Word, Many Meanings

The word “fetish” is used almost inflationarily in everyday language. People speak of a fashion fetish, a technology fetish, or a shoe fetish when someone owns a particularly large number of shoes. When a woman says she has a shoe fetish, she generally means that she enjoys buying, collecting, or wearing shoes. It has nothing to do with sexual arousal. It is an expression of style, aesthetics, and self-image.

This imprecision is harmless, but it leads to misunderstandings. People with a genuine sexual shoe fetish sometimes feel that they are not taken seriously as a result. And people who simply love shoes suddenly wonder whether something is wrong with them.

03 · Sexuality

Four People, Four Relationships with Shoes

Imagine four people who all invest a lot of money and time in shoes.

**The fashion-conscious woman** buys new shoes because they complete her outfit, express her mood, and make her feel good. She likes to wear them, likes to show them, and sometimes buys more than she needs. The shoes are not erotic for her.

**The collector** hunts for rare sneaker editions, knows every model, and carefully stores his treasures. What appeals to him is rarity, value, and history. Here too, arousal plays no role.

**The aesthete** admires shoes as design, as art, as form. A photographer, a designer, or simply someone with an eye for beauty. There may be points of contact with eroticism for him, but the perception of beauty is at the center.

**The fetishist** experiences shoes as a trigger for sexual arousal. The sight of a particular shoe, worn by a particular person, sets a fantasy in motion. Shoes appear in his sexual imaginings and may also play a role during sex.

04 · Sexuality

Where Things Overlap

In reality, the boundaries are often less clear-cut. I myself am a good example. As a photographer, I staged shoes aesthetically for decades and used every opportunity to bring high heels into the picture—not conspicuously, but as a natural part of the visual world. At the same time, my shoe fetish is clearly sexual. The two have influenced each other. Through fashion photography, inexpensive high heels lost their appeal for me, and today it is primarily high-quality designer shoes that arouse me.

Wearing shoes is not an unambiguous criterion either. In my experience, most men with a shoe fetish respond to shoes on others, especially on women. After discovering my dominant side, however, I also found cowboy boots on my own feet arousing.

05 · Sexuality

Questions to Help Sort Things Out

If you are unsure where you see yourself, these questions may help you:

Anyone who clearly answers no to the first two questions is more likely to have a passion for fashion, design, or collecting. Anyone who answers yes is in the realm of a sexual preference or a fetish.

• Does the sight or touch of certain shoes cause sexual arousal in you?
• Do shoes appear in your sexual fantasies even when you are not currently seeing them?
• Is it mainly about your own appearance and style, or about the effect that shoes have on another person?
• Is something missing for you during sex when shoes play no role?
• Is collecting an end in itself for you, or is it part of your erotic experience?

06 · Sexuality

Preference or Fetish?

There is a spectrum within the sexual realm as well. A preference expands sexuality; it is pleasant but not necessarily required. A fetish is usually more stable and can take on a central function in arousal. For some, it is an important route to pleasure; for others, it is an additional stimulus among many. Even someone who ascribes a fetish to themselves does not necessarily need its object. In studies by Giselle Rees and Justin Garcia, the majority of respondents with an object fetish stated that they could become aroused even without that object. The participants had volunteered themselves, so this is not representative.

You do not have to determine conclusively where exactly you stand. A label is a tool, not a judgment. What matters more is that you understand what moves you and handle it well.