Can a foot fetish be used to cope with anxiety or stress?

01 · Sexuality & Wellbeing

Introduction

Yes, this happens, and it is not automatically a problem. Sexual fantasies and arousal can soothe, distract, and provide a sense of security for a moment. A fetish is particularly suited to this because it works reliably. It only becomes difficult when it becomes the only strategy for dealing with anxiety or stress and the actual causes remain unaddressed as a result.

02 · Sexuality & Wellbeing

Why a fetish can be soothing

In my book, I describe a particular characteristic of fetishes: they reliably trigger arousal. This is precisely why they easily become an internal point of fixation. In an uncertain situation, the mind readily turns to something that is sure to work. The familiar fantasy then becomes a kind of refuge where the tension eases for a moment.

That is human. Many people use sexuality, fantasy, or masturbation to reduce stress, with or without a fetish. As long as it remains one of several options, it is not a cause for concern.

03 · Sexuality & Wellbeing

When it can become a problem

It looks different when the fetish becomes the most important or the only response to difficult feelings. A few warning signs:

If several of these points apply, it is worth taking a closer look. Then the fetish may serve less for pleasure than for avoidance.

• Whenever you feel tense, you immediately turn to the fetish without trying other ways.
• The soothing effect becomes weaker, and you need more or something more intense.
• You spend more time on it than you actually want to, for example with images or videos.
• The causes of your stress, such as problems at work or in your relationship, remain unaddressed over time.
• You often feel worse afterwards than before, for example ashamed or empty.

04 · Sexuality & Wellbeing

When soothing turns into loss of control

The World Health Organization describes a separate diagnosis for compulsive sexual behaviour in the ICD-11. It refers to people who cannot control intense sexual impulses over a longer period of time, so that other areas of life are neglected and even negative consequences do not change this. Not everyone who soothes themselves with fantasies is affected by this. But if you recognise yourself in this description, that is a good reason to speak with a professional.

05 · Sexuality & Wellbeing

The real question behind soothing

Anyone who notices that they seek out their fetish mainly in tense moments can ask themselves a helpful question: What exactly is soothing me about it? Is it the arousal itself, the distraction, the feeling of control, or a particular mood in the fantasy, such as security, surrender, or strength?

The answer can reveal a lot. If, for example, it is about the feeling of being allowed to let go, that is a need that can also be met in other ways. Many fantasies involving feet and shoes revolve around closeness, surrender, or power. These themes often have more to do with one’s own life than one initially thinks.

06 · Sexuality & Wellbeing

Other ways to deal with stress

It helps to build up a small repertoire of strategies so that the fetish does not remain the only door:

• Movement. A walk, sport, or simply a few minutes in the fresh air.
• Breathing and relaxation. Even a few calm, deep breaths can noticeably reduce tension.
• Conversations. Talk with your female partner, a male friend, or a female friend about what is weighing on you.
• Structure. Break down problems that cause stress into small, manageable steps.
• Breaks without a screen. Especially in the evening, time without a mobile phone and without a constant supply of images helps.

07 · Sexuality & Wellbeing

My own perspective

I have experienced phases with my fetish in which it was almost everywhere, in my relationship and at work. At that time, my head was so full of images that I could barely switch off. What eventually helped me was a new perspective on my sexuality, which an experienced female psychologist opened up to me.

08 · Sexuality & Wellbeing

When support makes sense

If anxiety or stress strongly shapes your life and the fetish barely helps you any more or places an additional burden on you, it makes sense to speak with a psychotherapist or another psychotherapy professional. It can be about both things: the causes of the tension and a more relaxed way of dealing with your fetish. Anxiety and stress can generally be treated well, and you do not have to give up your fetish for that.