Can a strong focus on feet impair sexual function or satisfaction?

01 · Sexuality and relationships

Introduction

Yes, that can happen, but it is not inevitable. A foot fetish can greatly enrich a person’s sexuality. However, if it becomes almost the only route to arousal, or if it is constantly suppressed, desire, function and satisfaction can suffer. And something can be done about it, often with simpler means than one might think.

02 · Sexuality and relationships

Function and satisfaction are two different things

When it comes to sexuality, many people first think about function: Does the erection work, does orgasm happen? But satisfaction is at least as important. Do I feel close, seen, alive? Does it bring joy to my partner and me?

A strong focus on feet can affect both, but in different ways. Function is more likely to suffer when the fetish is absent or suppressed. Satisfaction is more likely to suffer when it takes up so much space that there is hardly any left for anything else. And in a relationship, it also depends heavily on how well both people can talk about their wishes.

03 · Sexuality and relationships

What research says about satisfaction

The evidence base is limited, but there are a few indications. In an online survey of 316 people from fetish communities, life satisfaction was within the usual range, and most participants rated their fetish predominantly positively. In studies by Giselle Rees and Justin Garcia, fetish moments experienced with a partner were rated better on average than those experienced alone. Both studies rely on people who volunteered themselves, so they cannot be generalized.

Another finding shows the other side. In an online study from Iran, participants who experienced their fetish interests as not fitting with who they were had higher scores for depressive mood. The study does not show whether the inner struggle causes the low mood or vice versa. But it is at least an indication that the inner conflict with the fetish could play a role.

04 · Sexuality and relationships

When other forms of intimacy hardly seem possible anymore

In my book, I describe a mechanism that I have observed in many men with a fetish. If the fetish has been the most important or only route to arousal for years, the body becomes accustomed to precisely this kind of inner activation. Other situations may initially feel empty or unfamiliar. That does not mean the body can no longer respond differently. New associations simply need time.

The opposite is just as problematic: desperately trying to block out the fetish during sex, out of shame or consideration for one’s female partner. Then the level of fantasy remains empty, and the body responds with restraint. If performance pressure is added, a cycle can easily arise that presents as an erection problem.

05 · Sexuality and relationships

Intimacy is more than sex

One thought that is important to me: love, affection and closeness do not automatically belong to what arouses us. They are indispensable to a relationship, but they follow different rules from desire. That can be relieving. Anyone who notices that the sexual side is difficult at the moment can also experience closeness in other ways: through touch without a goal, through tenderness, through time spent together.

06 · Sexuality and relationships

Ways to greater satisfaction

• Do not fight the fetish. Anyone who allows their fantasy instead of forbidding it gives arousal space.
• Give it a place, but not every place. A fetish that is allowed to be part of shared sexuality does not have to determine everything.
• Consider both sides. I call this the 50/50 rule: the wishes of one’s female partner also need space.
• Take the pressure off. In sex therapy, there are exercises in which couples rediscover touch without a performance goal. Such exercises are intended to help people experience desire more relaxedly again.
• Have the body checked. With persistent erection problems, age, medication, stress and health-related causes should also be medically assessed.

07 · Sexuality and relationships

What helped me

I myself know a period in which my fetish took up so much space that my mind could hardly settle during sex, and my wife and I were both dissatisfied. What helped us was a new view of our roles, prompted by an experienced psychologist. Afterwards, our sex life gained a liveliness that we had missed for a long time. The fetish remained. But it no longer stood in the way of everything else.