How can I stay professional at work when foot or shoe cues distract me?

01 · Work & Boundaries

Introduction

By drawing a clear line between work and fetish and setting yourself a few simple rules for interacting with colleagues. You will not always be able to stop looking. What matters is that your work does not suffer and that nobody on the team feels watched or uncomfortable. Both can be achieved well with some awareness.

02 · Work & Boundaries

Why the workplace is particularly sensitive

In an office, shop or workshop, you spend many hours with the same people. You sit opposite one another in meetings, stand next to one another, and see one another every day. At the same time, particularly clear rules apply here. Colleagues have not chosen their environment and rely on being treated respectfully. What would be an innocuous glance in private can quickly be perceived as intrusive in the workplace.

03 · Work & Boundaries

What I know from my own working life

For me, the boundary between work and fetish was blurred for a long time. I worked as a photographer for over twenty years, for many of those years with high heels as a subject; video productions came later. At some point, my fetish had become woven not only into our love life but also into my working life. That was one of the reasons it took up too much space for a while and became a burden for my wife and me.

From this I learned how important it is to deliberately have spaces in which the fetish plays no role. For the vast majority of people, the workplace is exactly such a space.

04 · Work & Boundaries

Clear rules for interacting with others

A few basic principles will help you stay on the safe side:

Suggestive comments or looks that others find harassing can be regarded as sexual harassment in the workplace. This applies regardless of how innocently they were intended.

• No comments about colleagues’ shoes or feet, not even as a compliment. What may be meant kindly in private can easily be taken the wrong way at work.
• No looking under the table. If your gaze lingers, consciously direct it back to the face or the screen.
• No photos, not even “by accident” at company parties or outings.
• Do not steer conversations in that direction, for example about shoes, pedicures or summer sandals.
• No content on work devices. This is not only unprofessional, but can also have consequences under employment law.

05 · Work & Boundaries

Regaining concentration

If cues distract you strongly in your everyday working life, these approaches can help:

• Choose your position. In meetings, sit so that you are not constantly looking at other people’s feet.
• Structure tasks. Clear work blocks with a fixed goal leave less room for your mind to wander.
• Take deliberate breaks. A short break in the fresh air can help you clear your head again.
• Notice the story. The sight is only the trigger. What holds you is the fantasy that springs to life in your mind. If you notice it, you can more easily let it pass.

06 · Work & Boundaries

If someone notices something

Perhaps a female colleague has noticed your gaze, or an inappropriate remark has slipped out. Then a brief, honest apology helps, for example: “That was inappropriate of me, I’m sorry.” You do not have to explain anything about your fetish. Your sexuality is none of your employer’s or colleagues’ business. What matters is that you actually change your behaviour afterwards.

07 · Work & Boundaries

If your job involves shoes or feet

Some people work in professions where shoes or feet are part of everyday life, for example in shoe retail, foot care, fashion or, like me, photography. Extra attentiveness is required here. Customers rely on being treated professionally. If you notice that you can no longer reliably maintain this professionalism, you should honestly consider whether the job is the right one for you in the long term.

08 · Work & Boundaries

When you need support

If the distraction is so strong that your work suffers, you make mistakes, or you are afraid of no longer being in control, it makes sense to speak with a specialist in psychotherapy or sex therapy. Seeking help before something happens is responsible and professional at the same time.