How can I deal with the concern that a foot fetish could make my future or family planning more difficult?

01 · Fetish & Relationships

Introduction

A foot fetish does not stand in the way of a reliable relationship or a family. I know this from personal experience. I have lived with my foot and shoe fetish for decades, have been with my wife for many years, and we have a family. The concern is understandable nonetheless, and there are a few things that help in dealing with it responsibly.

02 · Fetish & Relationships

Where the concern comes from

Many men with a fetish eventually ask themselves: Will a woman accept me like this in the long term? Can I be a good father if I carry something like this within me? What if my children find out about it someday? Such questions often arise from the idea that a fetish is something disreputable that does not fit with an orderly family life.

This idea is not true. Since 2022, the World Health Organization has no longer listed fetishism as a diagnosis in its own right. A fetish says nothing about your ability to take responsibility, to love, or to raise children.

03 · Fetish & Relationships

What I have experienced myself

When I met the woman who is now my wife, we realized on the very first evening that we shared something very central: our enthusiasm for high heels. Just under a year later, our daughter was born. I deliberately tell this story in my book because one connection matters to me: you can have a loving, stable relationship, have children, take responsibility, and still live out and enjoy a fetish. One does not rule out the other.

Research does not suggest that a fetish prevents a fulfilled life either. In an older survey of 262 men with a foot fetish, many reported committed relationships in which they incorporated their preference. And in an online survey of 316 people from fetish communities, life satisfaction was within the usual range. Both groups had volunteered themselves and are not representative. But they show that a fetish and a stable way of life can go well together.

04 · Fetish & Relationships

Responsibility does not mean giving something up

Having children did, however, bring new questions for us. At the time, my wife and I produced fetish clips together that were very successful on a large platform. We ourselves had no problem with it. But we asked ourselves: What would this be like for our children later on? Would they ever be confronted with it; would they suffer because of it?

We took these questions very seriously and made a clear decision: fetish yes, artistic expression yes, but no more joint clips on this platform. This decision was not a retreat out of shame, but an expression of responsibility. My fetish remained part of my life and our relationship, just no longer public in this way.

05 · Fetish & Relationships

What helps in everyday family life

Like any sexuality, a fetish belongs in adults’ private sphere. I consider a few principles important here:

• Sexuality remains the parents’ business. Children do not need to know about their parents’ preferences, any more than they need to know other details of their love life.
• Discretion at home. Content, photos, or objects connected with the fetish belong in places to which children have no access.
• Consider digital traces. What is made public online is difficult to take back. This applies especially to pictures in which you can be recognized.
• Stay relaxed. Shoes and feet are everywhere in everyday family life. That is not a problem, but completely normal life.

06 · Fetish & Relationships

Periods in which there is less room

With pregnancy, small children, lack of sleep, and everyday stress, many couples go through periods in which there is less room for sexuality overall. This also affects the fetish. Such periods are normal and not a sign that something is being lost. Those who do not define themselves solely through their fetish cope with them much more calmly.

07 · Fetish & Relationships

Finding the right female partner

The most important choice for a good future is who you share it with. That is why I advise talking about the fetish early in a relationship, so that your female partner can decide for herself. She does not have to share it. It is enough if she knows about it, respects it, and the two of you can talk openly about it.

08 · Fetish & Relationships

If the concern remains

If anxiety about your future weighs heavily on you, keeps you from relationships, or darkens your mood, speaking with a professional in psychotherapy or sex therapy can help. There is often a deeper shame behind the fear of the future that can be worked through.